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.. please tell me, honey, I beg your forgiveness, please; I don't want to lose you; it was stupid, I'm so sorry," she said just before completely breaking down.As badly as my heart had been broken, there was still a piece of it that beat just for her; I got up and brought her a box of tissues then stood beside her for a moment; the loving husband in me wanted to hold her, comfort her; but the wounded husband in me, the one bearing so much pain just wouldn't let me; without saying a word I walked back to me seat and watched while she tried to gain some control.She knew from my reaction to her plea; she was drying her eyes, "It's not going to happen, is it, there's no chance for us is there?" she asked still looking down."I'm afraid not, Jean; I'm sorry; when I first saw you and Irv together I thought I was going to die; I had never been so devastated by anything in my life; I won't say I don't still love you because I do, but it's a crippled love, it can no longer function; I could. But, a boy? That?s what matters.?I paused, ?Do you like boys?? She looked at me. I fumbled, ?I don?tmean it like that. I mean like are you interested in romance and allthat. With whoever you like. I don?t judge.? I do, however, soundlike an arse.She smiled and then said, ?I don?t know. I mean like it used to bethey were all on one side of the playground and we were on the otherand now they?re not. And it?s all Claire and Alice talk about and Idon?t want to, but it?s all that matters to mum. We all have to bejust perfect. Hair just so, clothes just so. And I just want to dowhat I want to do and she won?t let me.?I took a sip of my coffee, decaf although I could?ve really usedcaffeine. ?Peggy,? I couldn?t call her mum, ?had some bad times,? isall I could come up with.?Whatever. I mean how can you defend her after what she did to you??I pushed around the last of my eggs with my fork and thought about it.?I?m not. I guess, in her head, she?s saving you from all that. .
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